You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
