I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
