I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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