I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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