Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do you remember whose house we're in?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
