You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
