1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
