he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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