That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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