My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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