she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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