i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
