My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize