I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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