Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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