does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
