This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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