you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
