I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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