I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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