Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
