I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
