Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
babies were throwing up all over the place
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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