Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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