yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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