K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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