I don't usually arrange sex via text message
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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