the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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