May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
