i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
