I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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