Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize