Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
