Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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