I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize