Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Bring me that man meat
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
