Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
