We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
