So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
