I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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