I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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