I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
