come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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