Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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