Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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