I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
