I should be sponsored by Trojan
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
