Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
