i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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