i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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