I just pynch a tree in the face
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
