i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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