Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Never underestimate the power of titties
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