It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
