i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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