bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
