Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
