I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
