I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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