Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
