I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
