32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
be right there i have to get my cape
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
