you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
