The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
