How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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