apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
