walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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