she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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