it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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