That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
