sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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