quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
