I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
