Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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